I had, what I'd call a spark of an eye-opening moment of truth, yesterday. I was walking in nature, like I often do, contemplating the different physical appearances of people. I.e. the bodies, what they reflect, what I can read when I look at a person's body (including my own), personal beliefs, self/body image etc. As it is known, my journey to my diverse activities today, all started due to being 50+ lbs over weight 10+ years ago. Yes. Since I can recall, I always battled with the pounds, feeling good, believing I was beautiful, knowing I was in healthy shape, most importantly, that what I looked like was NOT necessarily equal to my actual worth, as a person, and so much more.
Fitness, beauty, wellness, health are not over-night changes, or the matter of switching things ON, or OFF. These are all life-long refining of what we believe about ourselves, that changes daily, as we go. Whose cumulative effects only can be seen when one reflects on one's journey.
Having said that, I have not always done the healthiest, most perfect practices, to try to 'measure up' to the expectations of the world I lived in, and hence created. However, as I knew better, I have always done better. This has never been more true, than now. I realized this yesterday, through my own body, and my reflection on my own journey through and with it. The beauty of it all is, that at this time of my life, I am in better shape, physically, and spiritually, than at any of the times I was competing, on stage, in the spot-light, and so on. The reason for that is, that I now do all of what I do,
for me, the highest within me!!!! Not for reasons outside of me; i.e. a competition, an appearance, a photo shoot, someone else, who may have been displeased with me, my appearance, etc. Trust me, of those, there had been many.
At this time in my life, I do it all, and more, for me. I spend my time being closer, and closer to my bliss, and actually creating that. It is a slow, and details process of amazing transformation what I am about and who I am being and becoming. It is the intertwining perfectionist dance of the past, and the present; some hesitance, and a lot of courageous moving forth into the unknown life has to offer. Hence, as I allow, I meet amazing people, and enclose in my heart, more, and more amazing experiences.
Knowing that no matter what I had to endure at certain points of my life, no matter how hard it seemed at times, all served me to gather and gain a lot of self worth. All those experiences as I am learning of myself today, have made me stronger, better, have taught me to expect more and more of myself, and not to put up with anything, or anyone less, than what makes me happy.
For the world another's appearance, may only be captured as a pretty face, a sexy body, a beautiful picture. Unless you can see the whole picture of one's being, you will never know how remarkable a person truly IS, as a whole.
xo
Monika
