E G O

“Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are
infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.”  ~ Oscar Wilde

When we feel we are victims of a situation, or that something was taken from us in a situation/relationship, it is all: EGO EGO EGO

Drama is ego.
Mood is EGO.
'dont like' is EGO
'boredom' is EGO
blame; I.e. 'his fault/my fault' is EGO 
Taking someonething without earning it, is pure EGO EGO EGO

It is amazing how easily we get caught up and lost in EGO EGO EGO
Edging
God
Out

Wayne Dyer says the difference between Good and God is 'o;' zero. I.e. nothing!!!!!!
Our good is our GOD - within. And how often we foresee this and literaly are ran by, or live to serve our EGO, claiming to live for life and love ....how ironic ...


Live
Love
Life
Be the 1

Black DIAMOND

For this lifetime I am not afraid, because I finally found you.
And ... if you just let me I will stay forever.

I know you will believe it, finally understand, how your sweet kisses are like mind altering drug, make me answer your every call. They stay with me every waking minute, just like the thought of you, all a part of me.

I LOVE it when…I see the sun rising in your eyes, and
I LOVE the way its light runs along your body.

You are like … Black DIAMOND that ignites the heart. Black DIAMOND that always calls my name. I fall in your arms; with my eyes closed I surrender my trust to you.

Before you, I was like running sand in the midst of a wild hurricaine called: Life.
I was a game to all the great storms.
I used to fear that you would never be; that *good* that is to find me.

Now that you are here I see the world in a different light. Those dreams I dreamt, that once were out of reach, are coming alive. The ones only you can make come true.

I ADORE it when…I see the sun rise in your eyes, and
I CAN’T GET ENOUGH of the way its light showers you.

You are my …Black DIAMOND.
You ignite my heart.
My Black DIAMOND, you keep calling my name.
I am in your arms with my eyes closed. I am yours.



_MK

inspired by the music of Bodrai Akos

L O V E - unconditional or not

I talked to a girlfriend today about the reasons behind actions.  I.e.why we do the things we do, so diligently, full of integrity, every day.   Why do we keep on doing the things we know WILL hurt those we love most.  Most importantly, WHILE, in turn the very things, that hurt us the most.

It came to me, that at the root of it all is self love, or lack thereof.  Not the cheesy fake love. But the real acceptance, of worth, of sense of self, of being, kind of love. Who sees only the good, and in turn helps the less-than-good find lesser ground, and eventually to be only matters of love.  It is possible, but it takes a lot of work, self-honesty, and integrity. Sickening integrity to be committed to life, love and the type of connections and behaviors, that honors our nature: GOoD.

Where do we start.  An honest look in the mirror [of our physical selves, and of our lives].   A quiet uninterrupted chance to face who we are, what we are made of, what we do, how we act, and why.  No explanations, no judgement, just a BEing there and observing it all; an awareness.

Little by little, we need to start celebrating and honoring ourselves, who and what we ARE.  The here and the NOW; the I don't know ... and so on.  Face it all, accept it all, own it all.  Get on the same side with it all, sit in the same car with it all.  Go for a ride, have fun with it all. BE it all.  It is scary sh*t, because this means, we have to FACE WHO AND WHAT WE ARE square on.  Honestly.  And truthfully - unconditionally accepting ourselves as whole. 

Here is something else.  I am not religious, but hear enough of the ' God loves all his sons/daughters the same unconditionally...he forgives them all, always.  Loves them no matter what."  I do not believe in loving someone unconditionally, that just doesn't make [proper] sense.  The only way real, proper love is possible unconditionally is for one-self.   So (this is what my point is), it all comes down to self love, which if we are very honest, most of us could use a few extra helpings of that. 

We need to learn to accept, like, and eventually, love ourselves.  LOVE OURSELVES UNCONDITIONALLY.   

I accept ____ (insert your name here).  

I like ____ (insert your name here).  

I love  ____ (insert your name here).

I am  ____ (insert your name here), I am WORTHY.

I.e. 

I accept myself. I like myself. I Love myself.  I am WORTHY.

I accept Monika. I like Monika. I Love Monika. I am Monika; I am WORTHY.

Accepting ourselves as is, like we would our own child - as she is so perfect; the representation, an extension of our higher self, our GOoD.   We adore, accept, (ok not always like), we love her; she is ever so worthy of the good things in life.  

She does mess up a lot ... smile., but she is still little so what, she has a lot to learn still.  She is so amazing, it is impossible to take your mind off of her.  Even though she learns every day and becomes more and more, she just as much continues to mess up - because she is human.   However, we would never abandon her because she keeps messing up.   She is not [defined by] her messing-up.  She is all that AND MORE.  She is perfect, with her imperfections.  She is so much amazing things at once.  Her little f*ck ups are actually quite charming and unique - it all makes up the perfection of her.  

The more she is loved, accepted, supported, nourished the stronger she becomes, and eventually she will be better as she goes, at the business of being her :)

You are your guardian and your own child at the same time. 

<3

The world we live in - values, they matter, not?????

I just watched a show segment on a popular TV show on 'cheating;' (Steven & Chris, ARE WE WIRED TO CHEAT?).  The usual discussion of WHY people cheat, the poll of 'is it men, or women, who cheat more?' (women are only 20% behind in their ratio over men) etc.  The discussion offered a few good relationship skills to acquire in order to prevent the C word to take  please:

• Encourage one another to talk openly about their emotions
• Set regular Date Nights once a week/month for the two of you only and stick to it (THIS WORKS AWESOME!!!!!)
• Create an environment of trust and non-judgement, where no topic is forbidden to bring up
• Four times a year, have a difficult/scary conversation

There were also other positives I liked, such that our reason sets us apart from the instinctual creatures of the mammal world.  Which in turn means responsibility for our actions and choices. 


What I was shocked about, is the following:

An affair is not the end of a relationship - it can be a wake-up call. When people are in their 50's and 60's they might let it slide. They'll ask themselves, "Do I really want to rock the boat for this?" But when people are in their 20's, 30's, and 40's an affair tends to be make or break. But an affair is also an opportunity for two people to come together to talk about what's happening in their relationship. More sex is not just about more sex - it's about wanting to feel special. That's a wake-up call.

Shokkker!!!!!!!!  I don;t know what planet the people are from who consider cheating as an opportunity to assess where they are in a relationship? Wasn't that supposed to be before the cheating took place? Aren't we supposed to be present in a relationship?  What a copout.  better yet what a way to glamorize lack of sense of self and self worth. 


Cheating, I think that is the point of too late  for a relationship, before any parties decide to do unforgivable/undoable things, IS the time to open a discussion of a scary topic that has been purple elephant in the room, ignored for way too long.


In my book, cheating would mean one of these two things:


1) bye bye, or
2) good bye


Live  and Love....


All is well,
Monika

Thank You

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope everyone is having an amazing thanksgiving weekend. I am spending mine alone. It is a great opportunity to be alone with myself and do some reflecting and healing work. In short, I have been through a lot this year and trying experiences can really affect our person, perception, even scratch on our values. When you know your being is altering (in a not favorable way) you know it is time to stop and check in with yourself.

I am thankful today for an amazing personal awakening. I reconnected with a girlfriend about a month ago.  Upon returning from a trip out west, I showed her some of my photos from and even though I don’t remember her when we met (ONLY once) years ago, when I did my first personal appearance as a fitness model, in her I found a friend, a connection very few are fortunate to embark upon. It is like we are spirit twins from different mothers and living in different cities.  It is like magic. 

I remember as a new immigrant I was at a birthday dinner at Alice Fazzoli’s (I love that restaurant!!!), of a girlfriend, her mother was also present. It all was all new to me as I never had anything like this as a young girl growing up – such intimate closeness with my mom or anyone for that matter.  My friend's mom reminded us of the value of real girlfriends, by saying: “boyfriends will come and go in our lives, but our girlfriends will always be there for us.”  What a simple, yet wonderful piece of wisdom.

We both are on a new, healing path in our lives.  I.e. where the ‘what has been,’ the ‘what’s us,” and the ‘known,” longer serves us.  We are not yet sure where we are headed but we are definitely on our way, open, willing to become all we can be, a whole lto better, more refined, more authentic – having shed the old, making room for the new the good the Love and the Life.  She shares hers in a relationship, I am on my own, on my path.  Ironically, she lives in the same city and province, where my heart has been calling, since I was fortunate enough to travel to over the summer.

We exchange every day, we share and ask questions, we talk about so much.  We are able to be open, raw, real with great trust and confidence in one another; not afraid to have to pretend - but encourage each other to shed the ill strokes of life and  become good and love.  We can just be ‘us’ as imperfect yet SO PERFECT as ewe truly really are – all the while we laugh and cry at how we have been so wrong in so many areas, and share how sweet it feels to come home to us each time an awakening takes place.

I woke up this morning (it is Thanksgiving, "What should I be thankful for...?") to this email from her, that was longer than the length of my house here....definitely longer than me (only 5'4). In it she got totally real with me about  a few repeated patterns she noticed in my 'stories'  YUPP WE ALL HAVE STORIES!!!!!!   (Byron Katie asks, who would you be without your story)

She called me on somethign she has been seeing in my experiences repeatedly.  I.e. I tend to put myself out into situations where I rely upon the help of others, I trust in their capacity (while forgetting my own). during such experiences, I always give up my power and over extend myself to make up for my perceived shortcomings…and always end up with the shorter end of the stick: THE VICTIM!!!  WOW!!!! That is a handful to write, not to mention face and own up to and accept!!!!


I grew up with a lot of scarcity, hurt, lack…many dark shadows.  I have been conditioned to re-live these experiences, people, relationships as an adult.  Each level of growth, lesson, inspiration I share with the world, be it about fitness, life, or spiritual realizations, are the result of a novice experience, new awakening, in my life.  Perhaps a hurt that has been encountered, that gave way to new light.  Or a new happy experience that helped my heart to sing and grow, and so much more.

This morning I was shown and reminded of those times I unknowingly, and at times consciously, handed my power over to people expecting THEM to make it happen for me!!!! HELP ME!!!! HELP ME POOR ME!!!!  How wrong was I!!!!!!!  All that time I forgot, or not yet had seen, that all that I ever, at any time needed, was all in me.   Jus tliek it is in every one of us - we need to believe it  in order to see it.  It is absolutely true, that it is always nice to encounter life in the presence of a few, trusted people, who you are honored to share your path with.

We also talked about the fact hat on my FB etc. all that is shown is the beautiful body and the inspirations.  It is all misleading.  It is important to clarify, that it is not the perfection the ‘know it all,’ the ‘have it all perfect’ that I want to project.  What is shown is the path I am on.  The beauty I created from the ugly, fat and the dark.  Of course I still have ugly days...more than I would like lol...   There days I feel like I don't know things.  I am looking forward to one day find a special man to whom I will always be beautiful, inside out, when I ask stupid questions, when my roots grow out, when my tummy is supper bloated, after I gobbled a tub of ice cream. Or, I got a 'period zit' on my nose and look like Rudolph's sister... The whole package. 


I  am real, I am imperfect, I learn every day, I try to be more and better every day.  I seek to be more honest, and a better person every day.  When I go wrong I try to recover from it …every chance I get. The lessons I share are real, the inspirations I share are real – for they have touched me, and I want everyone who cares to read, to feel what I felt from them. My message (in forms of my writing and pictures), are the exact lessons I come across, those that touch my heart, that I am growing through, from, and towards every day.

I am not the person, coach, or the trainer who will lie that I am impeccable in my every move I make. I am not always perfect, nor do I always do the right thing… smile.  Far from it.  One thing everyone can be sure of: I do my best every day, in every situation I face.

That is my teaching for this blog.  To get real; to be real. Recognize and appreciate reality, real values, people, and experiences in life.  Life is real, for real.  Life IS Reality.

Stay real….

To my girl, my sister, my friend, my inspiration, my safe place to go when it all gets tough outside of my door, I am privileged to have you in my life.  I THANK YOU for being part of my life and helping me see myself in a better life and hence become better and ore every day :)

Heart,

Monika

Relationships

Relationships are the most important parts of our lives. We have relationships with our lover, family, post man, cashier at the grocery store, colleges, neighbors, business associates, the waiter, everywhere.

The longer we have these relationships the greater their quality rises; hence, the standards of the relationship will also grow.  Many think, especially in romantic relationships, that after they are confirmed as a couple, the 'work' ends.  Standards, values, the little things can be forgotten.  It is an all goes-free-for-all hoopla.  Many even turn into games, manipulations, lies and so on to maintain a pseudo connection, for superficial reasons. These reasons are always far from the purpose of the heart.

In reality, the higher the level of the bond shared, the higher the standards of the relationship. There IS work; but this is the type of work that feels effortless.  Relationships that work work because there is no work.  For all effort put forth is out of a desire, a want a will...the type of feeling where one doesn't want to go to bed, for they do not want to miss those 6-8 hours out of the relationship, of the time and connection to be spent in this sacred bond.

The quality of a relationship is to be, and to become, the higher the standards to what the people involved are held to, and are to live up to.

I Saw You

I Saw You

I saw you dancing last night
on the roof of your house 

all alone.

I felt your heart longing for the Friend.

I saw you whirling

beneath the soft bright rose

that hung from an invisible stem in the sky.

So I began to change into my best clothes

in hopes of joining you,

even though I live a thousand miles away.

And if you had spun like an immaculate sphere

just two more times,

then bowed again so sweetly to the east,

you would have found God and me

standing so near

and lifting you into our arms.

I saw you dancing last night

near the roof of this world

~Hafiz

Tomorrow Never Comes

If I knew it would be the last time I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly and "pray the Lord, your soul to keep."

If I knew it would be the last time I'd see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss you, and call you back for more.

If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time I could spare an extra minute or so
to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming you would know I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day,
I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance to make everything right.

There will always be another day, to say our "I love you's",
and certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do's?"

But, just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you, and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,
and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So, if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?
For, if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day...

That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss,
and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So, hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear,
that you love them very much and you'll always hold them dear.

Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "thank you," or "its okay".
And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.

Copyright © George Michael Grossman

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999