Thank You

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope everyone is having an amazing thanksgiving weekend. I am spending mine alone. It is a great opportunity to be alone with myself and do some reflecting and healing work. In short, I have been through a lot this year and trying experiences can really affect our person, perception, even scratch on our values. When you know your being is altering (in a not favorable way) you know it is time to stop and check in with yourself.

I am thankful today for an amazing personal awakening. I reconnected with a girlfriend about a month ago.  Upon returning from a trip out west, I showed her some of my photos from and even though I don’t remember her when we met (ONLY once) years ago, when I did my first personal appearance as a fitness model, in her I found a friend, a connection very few are fortunate to embark upon. It is like we are spirit twins from different mothers and living in different cities.  It is like magic. 

I remember as a new immigrant I was at a birthday dinner at Alice Fazzoli’s (I love that restaurant!!!), of a girlfriend, her mother was also present. It all was all new to me as I never had anything like this as a young girl growing up – such intimate closeness with my mom or anyone for that matter.  My friend's mom reminded us of the value of real girlfriends, by saying: “boyfriends will come and go in our lives, but our girlfriends will always be there for us.”  What a simple, yet wonderful piece of wisdom.

We both are on a new, healing path in our lives.  I.e. where the ‘what has been,’ the ‘what’s us,” and the ‘known,” longer serves us.  We are not yet sure where we are headed but we are definitely on our way, open, willing to become all we can be, a whole lto better, more refined, more authentic – having shed the old, making room for the new the good the Love and the Life.  She shares hers in a relationship, I am on my own, on my path.  Ironically, she lives in the same city and province, where my heart has been calling, since I was fortunate enough to travel to over the summer.

We exchange every day, we share and ask questions, we talk about so much.  We are able to be open, raw, real with great trust and confidence in one another; not afraid to have to pretend - but encourage each other to shed the ill strokes of life and  become good and love.  We can just be ‘us’ as imperfect yet SO PERFECT as ewe truly really are – all the while we laugh and cry at how we have been so wrong in so many areas, and share how sweet it feels to come home to us each time an awakening takes place.

I woke up this morning (it is Thanksgiving, "What should I be thankful for...?") to this email from her, that was longer than the length of my house here....definitely longer than me (only 5'4). In it she got totally real with me about  a few repeated patterns she noticed in my 'stories'  YUPP WE ALL HAVE STORIES!!!!!!   (Byron Katie asks, who would you be without your story)

She called me on somethign she has been seeing in my experiences repeatedly.  I.e. I tend to put myself out into situations where I rely upon the help of others, I trust in their capacity (while forgetting my own). during such experiences, I always give up my power and over extend myself to make up for my perceived shortcomings…and always end up with the shorter end of the stick: THE VICTIM!!!  WOW!!!! That is a handful to write, not to mention face and own up to and accept!!!!


I grew up with a lot of scarcity, hurt, lack…many dark shadows.  I have been conditioned to re-live these experiences, people, relationships as an adult.  Each level of growth, lesson, inspiration I share with the world, be it about fitness, life, or spiritual realizations, are the result of a novice experience, new awakening, in my life.  Perhaps a hurt that has been encountered, that gave way to new light.  Or a new happy experience that helped my heart to sing and grow, and so much more.

This morning I was shown and reminded of those times I unknowingly, and at times consciously, handed my power over to people expecting THEM to make it happen for me!!!! HELP ME!!!! HELP ME POOR ME!!!!  How wrong was I!!!!!!!  All that time I forgot, or not yet had seen, that all that I ever, at any time needed, was all in me.   Jus tliek it is in every one of us - we need to believe it  in order to see it.  It is absolutely true, that it is always nice to encounter life in the presence of a few, trusted people, who you are honored to share your path with.

We also talked about the fact hat on my FB etc. all that is shown is the beautiful body and the inspirations.  It is all misleading.  It is important to clarify, that it is not the perfection the ‘know it all,’ the ‘have it all perfect’ that I want to project.  What is shown is the path I am on.  The beauty I created from the ugly, fat and the dark.  Of course I still have ugly days...more than I would like lol...   There days I feel like I don't know things.  I am looking forward to one day find a special man to whom I will always be beautiful, inside out, when I ask stupid questions, when my roots grow out, when my tummy is supper bloated, after I gobbled a tub of ice cream. Or, I got a 'period zit' on my nose and look like Rudolph's sister... The whole package. 


I  am real, I am imperfect, I learn every day, I try to be more and better every day.  I seek to be more honest, and a better person every day.  When I go wrong I try to recover from it …every chance I get. The lessons I share are real, the inspirations I share are real – for they have touched me, and I want everyone who cares to read, to feel what I felt from them. My message (in forms of my writing and pictures), are the exact lessons I come across, those that touch my heart, that I am growing through, from, and towards every day.

I am not the person, coach, or the trainer who will lie that I am impeccable in my every move I make. I am not always perfect, nor do I always do the right thing… smile.  Far from it.  One thing everyone can be sure of: I do my best every day, in every situation I face.

That is my teaching for this blog.  To get real; to be real. Recognize and appreciate reality, real values, people, and experiences in life.  Life is real, for real.  Life IS Reality.

Stay real….

To my girl, my sister, my friend, my inspiration, my safe place to go when it all gets tough outside of my door, I am privileged to have you in my life.  I THANK YOU for being part of my life and helping me see myself in a better life and hence become better and ore every day :)

Heart,

Monika