m i r a c l e and changes

I knew I needed something new. It was time to change.  I felt it within, even though the direction was not at all clear.  The verdict came: Yoga Teacher Training. It felt right.  It offered not only the opportunity to advance my professional career, but also, provided the platform for my personal quest for growth.  I decided in July, and was registered for, what I can claim to be the best yoga Teacher Training in Bali, in October.  I did everything out of my power and more to be there.  I am beyond thankful for the support, and cooperation of the program, and program assistant, who helped me all the way through my preps.   Just for my passport to had been stolen a week before departure.  All that work for, what at the time seemed, was for nothing.  Yet still, something inside my heart was calm, knew that there was a higher purpose.  


I revised my plans, and pursued the next goals.  A week later I was hit by a careless driver on my way to an interview.  That left my car totalled and my spine wrecked enough to have disability, and physical challenges, and be brought to my knees daily ever since.   Needless to say no training for me, like in the old days.   Ahhh......please take my what feels like my 'first born,' will you please?  Now, yes, there are days I feel fine, and my spirit fuels me to attempts towards, what training used to be like for me, jsut to fall on my pretty face each time, and leave me in pain for a week or more each time. Sigh....


The morning of the accident, I set out and was very excited to go for the goal at hand.  I asked for a miracle as I pulled out of the parking spot.  Little did I know my life would change within the next 15 minutes.  And the way my miracle would be presented to me.


It has been a journey, and some, ever since.  Where, I asked for my life to change, but was not specific in the means to see the changes through.  I have been literally stripped of all the things in my life I have been taking for granted, including my health, my physical limitlessness, my fierceness and so much more.  I have been presented to situations LOUD and clear and very 'into my face' that re-taight me old, unlearned lessons, one more time; many very painful.  However, these have, one by one, helped me to release ties to old ways that would not honour my being at best.  Where I would not honour my own boundaries, or would forego my self respect, without really noticing.  


I have been given many chances since, to see this, and regain my 'I don't think so's' over, and over again.  


I have asked for a miracle, and I have been shown the way to life, that is even more true to my authentic self, than I could ever have imagined.  I feel, and see an old self, that is no longer me, falling away.  Where, there is a calm, and rich abundance emerging to replace. 


The past months have been extremely challenging in every dimension.  I had two choices ultimately, to go to a dark place, or from the crumbles, emerge anew, weightless, and ever so alive.  After the initial fight, and resistance against the unpleasant, the unwanted, the unknown, the restrictions, the pain, and the longing for the life I thought I wanted, my spirit broke free from these walls, and emerged.  My sense of self has been renewing, my values reforming ever since-rapidly.  My standards for the quality of experiences I want to live have become more clear, and there is just no compromise. 


I have made friends with change, I accepted that miracles do happen, if we allow.  These are nothing more but a simple parts of life.  Instead of judging an experience as good or bad, painful or uplifting, realize that everything is here to add to our growth, to help us emerge higher, to become more full, to be more [of] love, happy, and worthy of nothing but the best.  THIS cannot be acquired any other way, but by travelling the spiritual quest, to take us to our truth, moulding us perfect every step of the way.